Parental Controls for Grandparents Raising Grandchildren: What to Set Up First
I did not raise my own children in a world where a phone could also be a camera, television, game system, shopping mall, classroom, social life, map, and doorway to the entire internet.
Now many of us are helping raise grandchildren in exactly that world.
And I think that is why parental controls can feel so overwhelming.
It is not just, “How much screen time should they have?”
It is:
- Who can message them?
- What apps can they download?
- Can strangers see their location?
- What happens inside online games?
- Can they make purchases?
- What are they seeing on social media?
- Should I be reading everything?
- How much privacy should a teenager have?
- And what on earth am I supposed to set up first?
If you are a grandparent raising or helping raise grandchildren, this guide is designed to answer that last question first.
You do not need to control every button on every device today.
You need a sensible starting point.
Looking for help with phones, social media, privacy, scams, location sharing and other technology questions? Explore all Kids, Technology & Online Safety resources →
✨ Key Takeaways
- Start with conversation, not surveillance. Kids should know the basic family rules and why they exist.
- Use the free parental controls already built into devices first.
- Prioritize safety settings: purchases, inappropriate content, contacts, location sharing, downloads, privacy and bedtime access.
- Different ages need different levels of independence.
- No parental-control app replaces an ongoing relationship with the child.
- Grandparent and kinship caregivers should pay attention to account-consent and legal-dependent requirements.
🌊 The Simple Version: What Should I Set Up First?
If I were setting up a child’s device from scratch, I would start with these seven things:
- Create or confirm the child’s age-appropriate account.
- Add the child to the appropriate family-management system.
- Require approval for new apps and purchases.
- Turn on age-appropriate content restrictions.
- Review location-sharing settings.
- Set basic school-night and bedtime limits.
- Talk with the child about what the controls do and why they are there.
That is enough for day one.
You can adjust the system as you learn what your child actually needs.
💜 Parental Controls Should Support the Relationship
I do not want technology to become a substitute for actually knowing what is happening in my grandchild’s life.
That matters to me.
If a child thinks the adults in the house are secretly monitoring every conversation, every search and every mistake, parental controls can quickly become a trust problem instead of a safety tool.
I prefer to think of it this way:
Conversation → Family rules → Device settings → Additional monitoring if needed → Regular check-ins
Not:
Install an app → Problem solved.
The Federal Trade Commission gives similar advice: establish family expectations and conversations first, then use parental controls to reinforce those expectations.
Read the FTC’s family screen-time guidance →
📱 Start With the Free Controls Already on the Device
Before paying for another service, check what you already have.
Apple iPhone & iPad: Family Sharing + Screen Time
Apple Family Sharing lets an adult organizer manage a child’s device using Screen Time and parental controls.
Depending on the device and software version, families can manage things such as screen time, schedules, content restrictions, app use and other child-device settings.
Apple Family Sharing instructions →
Android & Chromebook: Google Family Link
Google Family Link can help families manage supervised Android devices and Chromebooks.
It can be used for things such as:
- screen-time limits
- app approval and blocking
- Google Play content restrictions
- some account settings
- location on supported devices
One limitation worth knowing: Google says Family Link cannot supervise an iPhone or iPad the same way it supervises Android devices and Chromebooks, and school-managed Google Workspace for Education accounts cannot be managed through Family Link.
Google Family Link instructions →
Windows & Xbox: Microsoft Family Safety
Microsoft Family Safety can manage settings across Windows, Xbox and some mobile use.
Families can use it for screen time, app and game limits, web filters, spending controls and activity information on supported devices.
Microsoft Family Safety instructions →
📋 Quick Comparison
| Tool | Best Fit | Useful For |
|---|---|---|
| Apple Family Sharing / Screen Time | iPhone, iPad, Mac families | Screen schedules, app/content controls, child-device management |
| Google Family Link | Android & Chromebook families | Apps, screen time, location and Google content settings |
| Microsoft Family Safety | Windows & Xbox households | Device time, games, apps, web filters and spending |
| Bark | Families wanting additional monitoring and alerts | Monitoring, filtering, screen-time tools, location features and alerts |
🚦 What I Would Lock Down First by Age
Ages 6–9
At this age I would focus heavily on structure.
- Adult approval for every new app
- No unsupervised social media
- Age-appropriate content filters
- Purchases disabled or approval required
- Limited communication with known contacts
- Devices charging outside the bedroom
- Clear gaming and YouTube rules
Ages 10–12
This is often where independence starts expanding quickly.
- Continue app approval
- Discuss group chats and online drama
- Review location-sharing settings
- Set school-night screen routines
- Talk about online strangers and impersonation
- Teach privacy before introducing more social platforms
Teenagers
Teenagers need safety boundaries too, but they also need opportunities to demonstrate judgment.
I would move toward:
- clearly explained non-negotiable safety rules
- more independence as trust grows
- regular conversations instead of constant interrogation
- clear expectations around nighttime phone use
- location-sharing rules everyone understands
- consequences discussed before problems happen
The goal is not to create a child who behaves only because somebody might be watching.
The goal is to help raise a young person who increasingly knows how to make safer choices when nobody is watching.
💬 A Family Technology Conversation You Can Actually Use
You do not need a formal speech.
You can say something like:
“Having a phone comes with a lot of freedom, but it also comes with responsibilities. My job is to help keep you safe while you learn how to handle that responsibility. We are going to have some settings and rules, but I also want you to tell me when something online makes you uncomfortable, even if you think you made a mistake. We will figure it out together.”
That last part matters.
A child who believes they will immediately lose their device may hide a problem that an adult genuinely needs to know about.
🚩 Five Settings I Would Check Tonight
If you have only ten minutes, check these:
- Location sharing: Who can currently see the child’s location?
- Purchases: Can apps, games or in-app items be bought without approval?
- App downloads: Can the child install anything they want?
- Contacts: Can unknown people contact them through games or messaging apps?
- Nighttime access: Is the device available all night in the bedroom?
You do not have to solve the entire internet tonight.
Start there.
🐾 Where Bark Fits In
Disclosure: This section contains an affiliate link. If you purchase through my link, GrandFamily AI may earn a commission at no additional cost to you. I only share tools that are relevant to the families this site serves.
Built-in device controls may be enough for some families.
Other families want another layer of help.
See Bark Parental-Control Options →
Bark offers tools that can include screen-time management, website and app filtering, location features and monitoring that can alert caregivers to certain concerning activity.
Its current setup also supports different devices and products, including mobile devices, Chromebooks and Bark’s own phone, watch and home-network products.
See Bark parental-control options →
What I Like About This Approach
The part that makes the most sense to me is not the idea of reading every single thing a child does.
It is having technology help surface situations that may need an adult conversation.
I would still tell the child what system we were using and why.
An Important Note for Grandparents & Kinship Caregivers
This is a section many parental-control articles miss.
Being the person caring for a child does not automatically mean every platform treats you the same as the child’s legal parent or guardian.
Bark’s current support information says children added for monitoring must generally be under 18 and legal dependents. It also requires verifiable parental or guardian consent for certain monitoring involving children under 13.
So if you are raising a grandchild through an informal caregiving arrangement rather than legal custody or guardianship, confirm that you meet the service’s consent requirements before setting up monitoring.
Review Bark’s current setup requirements →
This is not about making caregiving more complicated.
It is about protecting both the child and the caregiver.
🔍 Parental Controls Are Not the Same as Monitoring Everything
There are several different jobs hiding under the phrase “parental controls.”
- Filtering: limiting certain websites or content
- Screen-time management: deciding when devices can be used
- App control: approving or blocking downloads
- Purchase control: preventing surprise spending
- Contact management: limiting who can communicate with a child
- Location tools: helping families find devices or share location
- Monitoring: reviewing activity or receiving alerts about certain content
You may need some of those and not others.
Use the least intrusive tool that reasonably solves the actual problem you are trying to solve.
🤖 Ask ChatGPT: Build Your Family Technology Plan
You can also use AI to help organize your rules before touching any settings.
Copy-and-paste prompt:
“Help me create a simple family technology agreement for a [AGE]-year-old. Include bedtime, schoolwork, apps, social media, location sharing, online strangers, inappropriate content, purchases and what happens when a mistake is made. Keep the rules focused on safety, responsibility and trust rather than punishment. Give me no more than 10 rules.”
If the answer feels too strict, tell ChatGPT:
“Make this more collaborative and appropriate for a child who has earned some independence.”
If it feels too loose:
“Make the non-negotiable safety rules clearer.”
📋 Save This: First-Phone Setup Checklist
- ☐ Create the correct child account
- ☐ Add the child to your family-management system
- ☐ Require approval for purchases
- ☐ Require approval for new apps
- ☐ Set age-appropriate content restrictions
- ☐ Review browser/search protections
- ☐ Review location sharing
- ☐ Check game-chat settings
- ☐ Set school-night limits
- ☐ Decide where the phone charges overnight
- ☐ Discuss passwords and personal information
- ☐ Explain what happens if something scary or inappropriate appears
- ☐ Agree on when the rules will be reviewed again
💜 The Part I Think Matters Most
Technology changes fast.
By the time I master one app, there will probably be another one.
I am not trying to become an expert in every platform my grandchildren may ever use.
I am trying to create a family culture where they know:
- I care what happens to them online.
- There are boundaries.
- Those boundaries have reasons.
- Mistakes can be talked about.
- They can come to me when something feels wrong.
That relationship is the safety feature I never want to accidentally turn off.
🌊 One Thing to Do Today
Do not redo every device in the house.
Pick up the device your grandchild uses most.
Check:
Who can contact them? Who can see their location? What can they download? What can they buy? And when does the device go to bed?
That is a very good place to start.
— Jen
Nannie & founder of GrandFamily AI
Important: Technology features, prices and platform requirements change. Check the provider’s current instructions before purchasing or changing settings. GrandFamily AI provides general educational information and does not replace legal, medical, mental-health or professional advice.